Man in the Arena with Craig Spear
Are you ready to change the trajectory of your health? If so, you’re in the right place. Man in the Arena with Craig Spear is a podcast dedicated to helping men over 40 optimize their health and lose weight. Here, we discuss strategies that will get you off the sidelines and into the game so you can lead a legacy of longevity.
Man in the Arena with Craig Spear
Three Non-negotiables
Ever heard of Kalen Deboar?
Neither had I until The University of Washington Football team made the National College Football Championship this past January.
Turns out this guy has been on a tear and his meteoric rise just culminated in him being hired as The University of Alabama’s next head coach after the legendary Nick Saban retired.
His story is a lesson in the importance of having values or as Coach Deboar calls them - Non-negotiables.
In today’s Man in the Arena episode - I talk about Coach Deboar’s ‘3 Non-negotiables’, as well as mine, and I offer you a process to determine yours as well.
I also uncover a vital step you must take when defining your top three values.
Did you find this episode helpful insightful or motivating? If so, let's connect! You can find me on....
Instagram
Linked In
The Spear Method Website
Welcome to man in the Arena. This podcast is for men over 40 who want to master their health and weight loss goals once and for all, with innovative strategies, practical tools and insightful interviews. My goal is to help you overcome your limiting beliefs and achieve your optimal health. It's time to look good, feel good and do better. Hey fellas, welcome to man in the Arena.
Speaker 1:We are knee deep literally knee deep in the middle of winter right now. Temperatures have dropped well below freezing and we got a ton of snow on the ground. I was thinking we might get away with a little milder winter this year, but I think that dream is definitely fading. So today we're going to talk about three non-negotiables, and that's going to make sense in a minute, but let me set the groundwork here. College football season just ended, with Michigan winning the national championship, and then, a few days later, the University of Alabama's Nick Saban, so one of the greatest coaches of all time. He retired on the same day that Bill Belichick and Pete Carroll were fired from their respective teams. So then Alabama pivots a hard right and they hired their new head coach, a guy named Kailin DeBoer, who just happened to be the coach of the Washington Huskies that was in the national championship as well versus Michigan.
Speaker 1:The reason I bring all this up is I was intrigued by Kailin DeBoer's seemingly meteoric rise from NAIA to Fresno State, to Washington, to now one of the best college programs in the NCAA. So how does a guy rise up the ranks that fast? Well, I guess you could say that it wasn't that fast. He's been coaching for 25 years, but he's only been an FBS head coach for three years and now he's at Alabama, one of the best programs in the country. And what I find fascinating is how you hear how impressive and a man he is and how he immediately impacts the people around him wherever he goes, whether it was an NAI program, as an offensive coordinator and then certainly now as a head coach of all these major programs. And the more I read about Kailin DeBoer, the more I learned about his values. Now, if you want to be as respected, as highly respected and regarded, and to get the quality of play out of your players, as Kailin DeBoer has done, you have to have strong values. So why is all of this important to you? Well, in this episode, I want to share with you Kailin DeBoer's top three values, what he calls his non-negotiables. And then I want you to identify your top three values, your three non-negotiables, because in doing so, you're going to create this personal constitution, you're going to create this personal culture, which then sets the standard for what you do, the expectations you have, the beliefs you have and the habits you form each and every day. Okay, so here we go.
Speaker 1:These are Kailin DeBoer's three non-negotiables. Number one, his first non-negotiable, is creating a family atmosphere. Now Kailin talks about how coaches and players they're welcome into his office to talk anytime, and it starts with showing his people that he genuinely cares and that means investing his time and his energy in them. He said, quote we don't always get along. That's what families do, but in the end we love each other and we care about each other. End of quote. So for people to perform at their best, they need to feel safe and they need to feel secure. I love this non-negotiable because it creates an environment where people genuinely feel safe, because you genuinely care about their safety, right? So that's Kailin DeBoer's first non-negotiable.
Speaker 1:His second non-negotiable is hold people accountable. And Kailin says it starts with everybody. Accountability is coaches with coaches, coaches with players and players with coaches. To get better, you need to be disciplined and have a higher level of accountability. So he talks about how there's this balance between pushing people too hard and then holding them accountable, and I think that's such a great distinction. But at the end of the day he says good people and good character always shine. So in a big college football program there's going to be well over 200 people in the building, so imagine how difficult it must be to hold everyone accountable. But when you do, when you do hold everybody accountable, amazing things happen.
Speaker 1:His third non-negotiable is mental and physical toughness, and I think every football coach has this one. But his philosophy goes a bit deeper. He says you want to emphasize the one and the old mindset that everybody needs to have. He talks about how there's going to be adversity and when that happens you got to flush it, learn from it, accept it and own it. Whatever it is that just happened, flush it and move on and be present in the next play. So he defines toughness as mental and physical toughness. So as a coach he wants to be forward thinking. He wants to work on his team's mental mentality and response for adversity when it strikes, and that means practicing it and putting it to the players and coaches so that they have been in those situations ahead of time.
Speaker 1:I personally love this idea of mental and physical toughness right, and this idea of anticipating adversity that it's going to strike and be prepared when it does. So we want to hope for the best but expect the worst, but I always preach the importance of celebrating wins and focusing on positivity. But I also believe that life is 50-50. So we have to accept the negative when it comes and then do our best given the circumstances. So these are Kaelin DeBoer's three non-negotiables, and what I really encourage you to do is develop your own top three non-negotiables right, and maybe you've done this already on your own. Maybe this is your first time hearing about setting personal standards, but I think it's so fundamental to our success. I think that when we set values, they act as a compass and they give us direction. They also act as this filter for the decisions that we make. So, for example, I did this exercise with my own coach where I identified my top three values. Now, it took some time, it took some thought, but in the end I identified my own three non-negotiables and, as a result, I'm feeling so much more clear about what's important to me and then going forward, I know that I'm going to make really strong decisions based on my top three non-negotiables. So here they are.
Speaker 1:Number one this is my top non-negotiable it's self-awareness, and this means that I want to act with intention and understanding all the time. It's the basis for all the decisions I'm making. So, in other words, I want to avoid reactivity and instead I want to show up with a lot of presence and mindfulness. So having that self-awareness is my top non-negotiable, and I'll explain why that is in a minute.
Speaker 1:My second non-negotiable is compassion. So in my coaching, I never want to belittle a client. I never want to undermine their efforts and I also want to understand that they're overcoming some really significant challenges to do their best. So I always lead with compassion right, because I believe that's where long-term sustainable change comes from. I also want to have compassion for myself, because I've been in a place where I beat myself up for a long time and it worked until it didn't. So I'm learning now to be much more understanding and accepting of my efforts and my choices. So compassion is my second non-negotiable. I'm not going to beat myself up anymore.
Speaker 1:The third non-negotiable I have is stability right, and when you have self-awareness and when you have compassion, you're able to create a much more stable foundation. And I value stability in my life because I grew up in a place where there was no stability. So I know that life has its ups and downs, but I want to take the edge off of those and that's what helps me thrive. So something to keep in mind is that there's going to be times in your life when your values will compete. For example, if I want to get to bed on time because I know sleep creates more stability in my life, but then I'm also having a hard time putting my daughter down, and that requires compassion. There's going to be competing values there. The compassion is competing with the stability, and that's okay, because I always rank self-awareness is my top value and then compassion and then stability. So it goes in that order and I know that with more self-compassion and, sorry, I know that with more self-awareness and then with more compassion my life is always going to be more stable, just by virtue. So if I place stability above compassion and self-awareness, then my life becomes too rigid and ultimately less fulfilling. So it's okay to have values that compete sometimes. Just make sure that you prioritize those values one, two and three.
Speaker 1:So here's the next steps. Here's what I challenge you to do. Step number one I want you to reflect on your experiences. Think about positive experience and times in your life when you felt really happy, fulfilled or proud. I want you to think about what you were doing, who were you with, what factors contributed to these feelings. Then I also want you to consider your negative experiences. So consider the times when you were unhappy, frustrated, disappointed, and then what caused these feelings? What was the missing piece or something that violated these situations. All right, that's the first step. So kind of reflect on your positive and negative experiences in life.
Speaker 1:Step number two I want you to identify certain themes. So, from this reflection, try to identify common themes. So, for example, if you often feel fulfilled when helping others, maybe service or compassion might be a core value. If frustration arises from dishonesty or deceit, then maybe honesty or integrity could be a non-negotiable. All right. Step number three create that values list. Now draft the list of values that resonate with you. These can be things like honesty, creativity, freedom, security, family, achievement. Right, if you have trouble coming up with a list, something you can do is just search the internet for a list of values, or you can even search a list of 100 values and you're going to get a list of a bunch of different values there.
Speaker 1:Step number four this is where I want you to prioritize your values. So rank your values, look at the list and then put them just in order from one, two and three. Which ones are most important to you, and in this process you have to consider different tradeoffs. So think of situations where you might have to choose between those values, and then this is going to help you clarify which ones are truly non-negotiable. Okay, step number five reflect on the alignment with your life. So I want you to look at the current lifestyle, the career that you have, the relationships and habits you have, and ask yourself how well do these values or non-negotiables, line up? Okay, so you're kind of putting them through a bit of a test. If there's any discrepancies between your values and your life, then you might want to consider either making some changes or trying to find values that align more closely with where you're at in your life.
Speaker 1:Okay, lastly, seek some feedback. So connect with close people in your life your spouse, your friends, even myself. I encourage you, if you're kind of at this place. Reach out to me. I'm happy to kind of help you go through this process and assess the values that you've ended up choosing. Okay, and certainly rely on other people to do that as well.
Speaker 1:So, guys, this is a really powerful exercise.
Speaker 1:I think it creates an opportunity for a tremendous standard that you set in your life, allows you to make better decisions and allows you to truly do things in your life that align with what makes you feel most happy and most fulfilled. So, if you truly want to achieve a greater level of success in your life, I think you have to understand at least what your top three values are, realize them and make sure that they are in alignment with what you want in your life. Guys, that's all I have for you today. Thank you again so much for joining me and for listening. As always, I encourage you to reach out, connect with me. You can go to thespearmethodcom, and there's lots of different ways that you can reach out and connect. Until next time, keep showing up, keep doing the work so you can look good, feel good and do better. Now is the time to take action and change your life. Head on over to thespearmethodcom and discover how I can help you get started on your path to better health and weight loss.